The 8 keys Managing the quality of our relationships for our well-being

We are social beings, in daily contact with one or more members of our family, friends, colleagues at work, neighbors in our neighborhood, etc. Social relationships are a fundamental and essential element of our human existence. In social psychology, these relationships are called “interpersonal relationships”. Why are these relationships important for our well-being? How to manage them to have healthy relationships

We are social beings, in daily contact with one or more members of our family, friends, colleagues at work, neighbors in our neighborhood, etc. Social relationships are a fundamental and essential element of our human existence. In social psychology, these relationships are called “interpersonal relationships”. Why are these relationships important for our well-being? How to manage them to have healthy relationships? What do these relationships bring to our lives?

WHAT ARE RELATIONSHIPS? The interpersonal relationship is the interaction between 2 or more individuals. Unless we like extreme solitude, we all need others to help us, reassure us, share, learn, collaborate, play, discuss etc…. Our life is made up of more or less numerous relationships, lasting or not, healthy or harmful. We have different types of relationships: those we choose and those that are imposed on us. Those that we have chosen are, among others, friendly relationships, romantic relationships, customer relationships and those imposed constitute family relationships, professional relationships, neighborhood relationships.

The main psychosocial factors that trigger relationships between people are:

Proximity it is easier to bond with someone who is physically close.

For example by being in the same company, in the same building, in the same city, in the same school, etc.

Similarity: we tend to be attracted to people who understand us, who have the same values, who are similar to us.

This strengthens our confidence in others and in ourselves because our ideas are shared by a person or group. There is a notion of belonging.

Physical appearance: research has shown that physical appearance influences our choice to create a bond with others or not.

This demonstrates the irrational element that intervenes in all our relationships.

Interpersonal relationships are sources of deep emotions: pleasure of friendship, exaltation of romantic passion, joy of empathy, suffering during separation, stress and anger during conflicts, fear of loss.

Relationships are constantly evolving, they are built, developed, and unmade. This development will depend on several factors: the quality of our communication, our state of mind, our ability to manage conflicts, our ability to discern on certain subjects, our perceptions, our behaviors, our emotions, our confidence, geographic proximity , our values, etc….

WHAT IS THE CONNECTION BETWEEN OUR RELATIONSHIPS AND OUR WELL-BEING? According to Harvard Studies on Adult Development (Robert Waldinger), the quality of social relationships makes us happy and could even keep us healthy. Being alone for a long time accelerates the aging of the brain, which causes it to die off sooner and faster. Isolation kills.

When we talk about quality, therefore, we are referring to a good relationship or a bad relationship. To have a good relationship or healthy relationship, we need to be aware of the key factors to get there. These key factors are: – mutual respect – reciprocity – empathy – communication – trust in oneself and others – collaboration – conflict management.

These prerequisites are not exhaustive, but provide a good basis for maintaining a healthy relationship.

Do you want an example? I'm going to tell you how I met my best friend. The first time we saw each other was in front of the university building. We were there to register and were exchanging information about the reason for our registration. I found that we had a similarity in our educational background and in the reason for our choice of study. During this conversation, I felt good because I had a person in front of me who shared my ideas, who inspired me with confidence. Over time, I discover that we have the same values, the same questions, the same interests. We nourish this relationship over the years through good communication, caring behavior, attentive listening, silent presence. I know that I can count on her, that she will help me when needed, that I can discuss all subjects and she can expect the same things from me. This relationship brings me advantages: trust, satisfaction, advice, exchanges, empathy. I will do what is necessary to maintain this healthy relationship.

Conversely, I sometimes have relationships with people who trigger negative emotions in me: as soon as I talk to them, it requires more energy, because I do not share their values, their ideas, their behavior , their way of speaking. These relationships make me uncomfortable and stressful. I can feel attacked, lose self-confidence, get angry. I perceive these relationships as difficult, even harmful. In this case, I decide to stop these relationships if they do not seem necessary in my life or to continue them for professional or family reasons. In this context, I must learn to manage them for my well-being.

IN PRACTICE, HOW CAN YOU HAVE HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS? If a relationship does not satisfy us but is necessary, we must first begin to understand why it seems difficult to us? What makes us feel negative emotions in this relationship? Then, we will focus on solutions to help it evolve into a healthy relationship to be able to work together or live in a calming climate.

How to maintain mutual respect?

This presupposes understanding and acceptance of common values. We will need to identify our fundamental values ​​and find the one(s) that we have in common with each other.

How to establish trust with others?

We need to create a favorable climate to have mutual trust by clearly expressing what we expect from each other and what the other expects from us. It is up to us to determine the level of trust we give to be comfortable in this relationship.